Navigating Grief and Loss on Valentine's Day

When people think of Valentine's Day, initial images are of chocolates, flowers, lovely dinners, and quality time with a significant other. A simple celebration of love, with an emphasis on grand gestures. As exciting as this day can be for most, it can be particularly difficult for people navigating grief.

The Different Faces of Loss

When you are navigating grief, it's important to remember that it comes in many forms. Grief is most often associated with the loss of a loved one, but grieving can manifest through many different forms of massive life changes.

Experiencing a breakup, a divorce, pet loss, fertility, separation, and even home loss can cause feelings of grief on Valentine's Day and any other significant holiday.

The Commercialization Impact

UNICEF noted it perfectly: Grief is usually exacerbated by holidays. Particularly ones that are heavily commercialized, like Valentine's Day. Being in the grocery store seeing the heart-themed items can be triggering and cause feelings associated with grief such as anxiety or depression. Reminding us of the loss we are experiencing.

This emotional reaction to triggers in your environment is normal and natural. Grief can be all-consuming and developing helpful coping strategies for these triggers will help you work through these difficult moments.

Coping Strategies and Self-Care

Developing a few different coping strategies this Valentine's Day can make the daunting reality of grief feel less overwhelming.

Honor Your Loved One

If you have lost a loved one, creating new traditions or rituals can be helpful. It can be something as small as dancing to your loved one's favorite song or buying flowers and visiting where they are now resting. Remember to do what makes the most sense regarding the connection with the lost loved one and yourself.

Set Boundaries

If you are dealing with a separation or are experiencing a breakup, it's important to uphold boundaries during this time. This will help lessen the feeling of being overwhelmed and confused about how to spend the day.

Instead, see if any friends are available, and enjoy a dinner with them. Even hunkering down on the couch with a good show, in your favorite pajamas, and eating some comfort food is a great way to honor the love you have for yourself.

Practice Self-Compassion

It's important to practice self-compassion during these times. Make it a priority to be gentle with yourself, understanding, and patient with what you are feeling. That can be by writing in a journal, meditating, cooking a nice meal, or taking a bubble bath.

Connect With Others

Try connecting with anyone through online or in-person grief support groups. Sometimes this can be difficult; to find other people experiencing grief in your orbit on Valentine's Day, you can comfortably share the day's sentiments with them.

Move Your Body

Exercising is beneficial for your mental and physical health. Going on a nice walk, practicing breathwork, and doing your favorite exercise are all ways to get your body moving. The endorphins you get from your workout can ease feelings of anxiety and depression associated with grief.

Reconnect With Nature

Breathing in fresh air, seeing all the greenery, and relaxing in nature is a great way to ground the nervous system. Activities such as a picnic in the park, taking a nice walk in nature, and sitting on the beach to watch the sunset are a few simple ways to reconnect with nature.

Remember, Grief Takes Time

Remember that healing from grief is not linear and there is no time limit to these feelings. Each person grieves differently and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You will have both good and bad days, and experience waves of emotions during this process, and these feelings may last a short time or can persist for years to come. It's important always to practice self-compassion and support whenever these feelings arise.

Seeking Professional Support

When your grief has gotten to the point where the coping strategies are not working and are affecting your daily life and tasks, you may benefit from professional support. What's key is recognizing that something different is needed to better navigate the grief journey.

Some important signs that it's time to get professional help:

• Your grief is so overwhelming that basic life tasks cannot be completed in domains such as work, school, or relationships
• Self-isolation
• Having trouble going to sleep or staying asleep
• You are experiencing constant self-destructive or self-harming thoughts

When seeking professional help, there are several types of treatment available including:

• Individual therapy — One-on-one sessions with a therapist who can walk you through your grief and offer coping mechanisms.
• Group therapy — Work through your grief in a group setting, with a guiding therapist and others experiencing grief, that can offer a safe space to share your loss and navigate through life with grief.
• Online therapy and support groups — There are individual and group therapy sessions available online to support you wherever you may be.
• Grief treatment programs — If your grief requires a higher level of care, mental health treatment programs treat your grief in a comprehensive treatment program.
• Support books and community resources — The National Institute On Aging offers this great option for people with limited resources.

Other ways to find support for your grief:

• Your company's Employee Assistance Program (EAP) — Not every company offers this program, but if they do it's great to reap the benefits. Be sure to check with Human Resources regarding this.
• Through your health insurance — Coverage varies so be sure to reach out to your insurance company to understand the costs involved.
• Referrals from your Primary Care Physician (PCP) doctor — Your doctor can refer you if you share the need for extra help.

Although not everyone is open to receiving professional help, it's important to remember that there is no shame in it. Grief is hard to navigate and can be triggered at any time, so seeking support is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Reframing Valentine's Day

Another way to reduce grief during Valentine's Day is changing your perspective on what the holiday means. It can be more than simply celebrating your significant other. You can celebrate platonic love with your friends and familial love. All are valid forms of love experienced, and they deserve to be celebrated too.

Find Relief and Support During Holidays

Valentine's Day or any other holiday can worsen feelings of grief. There are tangible ways to help you through these feelings to find some relief. Learning coping strategies or reaching out for professional support can give you the tools you need to address and work through these triggers, for this holiday and the ones to come.

References

1. Choi, Jin-A, et al. What about Love? Does the Over-Commercialization of Valentine's Day on Social Media Leave Us Living in a Sadder, Material World? 2023 Valentine's Day Report. 2023.
2. National Institute On Aging. "Coping with Grief and Loss." 15 July 2024.
3. NIH News in Health. "Coping with Grief." 28 Sept. 2017.
4. Smith, Melinda. "Coping with Grief and Loss: Stages of Grief and How to Heal." HelpGuide.org, 3 Nov. 2018.
5. UNICEF. "Strategies to Cope with Grief." 8 June 2021.